#28: The Prosociality Paradox

Adding an extra dose of behavioral science to your week with our series In a Nutshell— a collection of behavioral science principles, explained in 150 words or less, written weekly by CUBIC director Allison Zelkowitz.

Do you ever think about offering help to a stranger, or reaching out to a long-lost friend, but then find yourself holding back? Perhaps you worry your action will be awkward or misconstrued? 

Psychologist Amit Kumar has researched this hesitation, which often results in “failures of kindness.” In this compelling podcast, he explains that “givers” and “receivers” view acts of kindness from two different lenses:

•  Givers worry primarily about their competence, e.g. “Am I doing the right thing, at the right time?”

• Receivers care less about whether the deed is perfect, and more about the warmth of someone showing that they care.

Givers therefore underestimate their acts of kindness, compared to how much receivers appreciate them. Kumar terms this “The Prosociality Paradox.”

The lesson is clear: Don’t hold back. Offer help, give a compliment, make a phone call, send a thank you note. It will mean more than you think.